Sample Articles - Volume 21, Number 2 (Summer 2006) Who needs clothes when it's hot?

Summer 2006 (gN/aN 21:2)

Who needs clothes when it's hot? Cruise naked!

by Jeff Gruen • photo by Cory Ryan

Last February, I found myself shivering to the bone in just a sweater, as I waited in Toronto for a drive to the air terminal from the valet service. I pondered why I live in such a desperately cold climate for 60 percent of the year. I came up with no convincing reasons. When it comes to the February blahs, who wouldn't turn their back on the white stuff and head for hotter weather?

Bare Necessities Tour and Travel, owned and operated out of Austin, Texas, by Nancy and Tom Tiemann, was putting on their 15th annual nude Caribbean cruise. They chartered the Costa Mediterranea for this seven-day excursion, taking along approximately 2200 bare boat riders from around the world. Having been on a nude cruise before, I knew what to expect; but it never ceases to amaze me how easily naked people get along, without putting on any airs.

From our departure from Ft. Lauderdale, we made our way toward the deep blue Caribbean Sea. No one was naked at this point, due to some crazy law preventing nudity in public places-like harbours-and the fact that it was a little chilly. If it's cold, naturists wear clothing: a no-brainer!

As the ship made its way a safe distance from civilization, the clothing started to come off. It's an unusual sight to see people in your usual khaki travel wear and loud Hawaiian shirts standing next to non-tan-lined people with not a zipper or button in sight!

The ship's crew was Italian for the most part, with a smattering of other Europeans and Philippinos. The first day at sea is always an eye-opener for the ship's staff, as they either can't believe what they are seeing, or in some cases, don't believe in what they are seeing, because of religious beliefs. Either way, they bite their tongue, look the other way, and carry themselves with professionalism and decorum.

Rules
There are rules that come on board with Bare Necessities. They must be strictly adhered to in order for future cruise partnerships to flourish. This is not a sex cruise. It is a clothing-optional cruise, where you have the option to be naked anywhere on the ship except in the dining room. The main rule is, always have a towel between your butt and whatever surface you are sitting on. Of course, this is a nudist rule world-wide. Picture taking is allowed with permission of the subjects; however, there are designated no-photo zones around two pools to prevent Internet-happy photographers from exploiting your image. Other rules: no overt sexual activity and no genital jewellery.

The ship pitched and rocked its way to St. Martin, our first stop. Like any cruise, excursions are set up in advance, so that you may have a choice of a nude beach trip or a clothed bus tour of the island, to name a couple. Most people showed up at Club Orient on Orient Beach, one of the most famous and beautiful clothing-optional beaches in the world. Although somewhat packed, it always has room for an extra beach towel or chair.

One of the most ridiculous sights is the border between the nude side and the "prude" side of Orient Beach. Cruisers from other ships actually make the 20-minute trip to Orient Beach just to catch a glimpse or take a picture of a naked person hanging around the entrance to the beach. If there were a fence, you'd think you were at the zoo and the nudists were the attraction. Pointing and laughing with slight embarrassment are prevalent. The really bold textile crowd will actually suck it up and walk into the "deadly" nude zone, just to say they did.

We enjoyed lunch nude at the Papagayo restaurant, one of the only restaurants in the world where you may eat sans clothing. Club Orient put on a great buffet strategically located beside some trinket carts you could shop at while standing in line.

Partying
Back on board, the party was beginning to pick up. When you introduce sun, fun, and the odd beverage to nudists, you can bet the ship will start rocking without ocean waves to help out!

The food was average, unfortunately, but the atmosphere kept spirits alive. The ship provides all the usual entertainment on board, including cheesy comics (pretending the audience was naked, har har) singers not fit for American Idol, and dancers whose costumes upstaged their routines. But it was the costume nights that blew the ship's staff away. Nudists seem to pack more when they go on vacation than other folks, because of those costumes: extravagant masks, colourful outfits, and for those who carry spray cans with them, body paint. You always find the most outrageous, creative, and "what-the-heck-is-that?" type of costume from these "shy and reserved" passengers.

The costume nights vary with the cruise. Aboard the Costa: Fat Tuesday in Venice (a twist on Mardi Gras, and you can bet the beads were flying); James Bond-Undressed to Kill (gold painted people and unique twists on the Bond girl outfit); White Tie and Tiaras (for Captain's Night, a clothed event); Toga Night (naturally); and Tropical Night (Carmen Miranda, move over!).

Best of all seems to be the passenger talent night. There's never a shortage of nude dancers, singers, saxophone players, and comics!

The next stop was the Dominican Republic. Nudity is illegal there, but through Bare Necessities and Costa, many happy passengers sailed on clothing-free catamarans to snorkelling areas around the island. Mask, snorkel, fins, and the rush of the Caribbean sea enveloping your body provided the ultimate freedom. Although the coral and fish were brilliant, it was the unabashed sensation of the swim that reminded everyone of the carefree style of living they had chosen.

All the days at sea were filled with the excitement of dance lessons at the pool or bingo to get out of the sun. Relaxing and making new friends were on the agenda for most days, offset by the occasional nap in a spacious but not huge stateroom or cabin.

Nassau came into sight, marking the last day of an event-filled cruise. Again an excursion or just travelling on your own: last chance for duty-free everything and to bargain with vendors using the "I give you best price" line.

Going back
At the end of this vacation, it was difficult to drag on long pants and a sweater to make the trek back to Canada. Clothing felt foreign and constricting. Mind you, just knowing there were no tan lines and we are all naked under our clothing made me smile just a bit.

Naturist travel is a booming business. Can 2200 people be wrong? It seems like cruising is the best way to enjoy this lifestyle: you're in a safe environment while seeing what's out there in the world. It affords the opportunity to drop the inhibitions, walls, and stresses that most of us carry. Your inner child is released. When you're nude, you don't know the bank manager from the truck driver-which allows everyone to play nice in the sandbox.

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